


Tolerate it

by WishaDream



Series: Control Shorts [7]
Category: Control (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Other, Pre-Canon, Spoilers for Main Game, and dynamite by mud, bonus darling side scene, brief refeence to the dyna-mite scene, darling sings another song, emily has daddy issues, emily just wants darling to notice her, featured songs include emily by mika, hint of jesse/emily but only enough that if you blink you'll misss it, i know i'm disapointed too, inner musings, inner turmoil, jesse makes brief appearance, notice me sempai, projects them on darling, tolerate it by taylor swift also used as inspiration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29293560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishaDream/pseuds/WishaDream
Summary: Emily ponders over what she can do to get Darling to take her seriously. She ends up catching Darling in a moment when he thinks he's alone as he sings along to a song she finds herself relating to far too much
Relationships: Casper Darling & Emily Pope
Series: Control Shorts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119476
Kudos: 12





	Tolerate it

Emily had worked hard to gain Dr. Darling’s attention. To prove to him that he had made the right choice in hiring her right out of college. But he was always busy and he never let her in on any projects, but always seemed only to assign her busy work.

She had been at the top of her class, but at the FBC, around Darling, she always felt like nothing more than a child trying to get her father’s attention. A child who would use her best colors to paint a portrait of him to show him when he got home from work. But it never caught his eye.

Other times she felt like a beleaguered wife, one who had slaved away at a meal she set out the fancy plates to serve it on, only to have him come home late as he informed her he’d already eaten.

Nothing she did was ever good enough. Nothing she did ever seem to catch his eye.

_Why did he even invite me here if he’s never going to use me?_

After she arrived it was like she became invisible. He couldn’t see her but she could still see him. See him sitting with his head down, studying a file she did not have a high enough clearance level to read. Watching him doze off in his chair after he’d worked all night on a difficult problem. A problem she would have happily helped him on. But he never asked her. Never chose to share with her exactly what he was working on.

_Is it all in my head?_

At times it felt like he just tolerated her presence.

_Am I wrong?_

She would be the first to admit she didn’t know everything. But she was willing to learn. Willing to get better. To become the person he could trust with the more difficult missions. The one he could confide in.

But even when she offered to sit and act as a sounding board as he rambled on about his newest project he’d eventually stop and say, “Wait, why am I telling you this?”

She polished his beakers till they gleamed and glistened. Greeted him with a smile even when she just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.

He did not have to remind her he was older than her, wiser than her, had more experience, but if he’d give her a chance she would prove she was able to learn.

While he was out in the field, or in the lab creating worlds, she was stuck doing paperwork. Getting coffee. Doing research. Never anything that made her feel like she was moving closer to being invited to work on the newest projects.

She’d deliver the coffee and then be asked to leave. Everywhere she went there were closed doors, or a stamp reminding her she did not have the clearance to see behind the curtain.

She made Darling her whole world, her focus, but he couldn’t even be bothered to write her name in the footnotes of his work. It seemed like even the little space she took up was too much for him.

_Does he think I will go on like this forever?_

Did he not think she’d eventually fight back? That she would never bend or break. Did he assume she was the type to just keep going on with a fake smile on her lips and a “How can I help you?” loaded into her quick responses.

But if it came to it, she would take a dagger and cut him out of her life. Just like her parents had done with her.

She knew how to gain the weight of him and then lose it. She could do it. She could leave it all behind. Just walk away and never look back.

But if it were all just in her head, if he really did want her, why couldn’t he say so? Why couldn’t he give her a sign?

Why did it feel like he was just waiting for her to leave?

___

It was a Saturday when she came into the office.

It was her day off, and yet she found herself feeling like she had to be there. Like she had to finish the work she hadn’t completed on Friday.

Though she’d told herself over and again that it could wait till Monday, she still found herself walking into the building that morning.

On her way back to the research lab she passed Darling’s office. The door was closed per usual, but inside she heard the sound of music coming from inside.

The door was unlocked as she opened it a crack to peek inside.

Darling was inside with the radio turned on, a pop song playing as he danced along to the beat. As she lingered she noticed he was even singing along.

“Emily, can’t you write a happy song, get your ass to number one, you could try a little harder.”

The cold metal of the door handle didn’t give in even as she squeezed it tighter as her jaw flexed.

_Try harder?I am nothing like my father._

He was cold. Distant. Clinical. Treated people as nothing more than test subjects.

_And Daring is no different._

Her breath shook as she realized she’d been projecting her father issues onto the doctor. She had never been able to secure her own father’s attention, no matter how hard she had worked, and it was proving to be no different with Darling.

No matter how had she worked, no matter what she did, she would never be good enough to be included in his life. In his work.

“Emily, are you stuck up, or are you gay? If you are, well, that’s ok cause it doesn’t even matter, Emily.”

_Of course it matters._

The thought that nothing she ever did would ever matter made her eyes sting.

_What is he trying to tell me?_

Did he want her to chill? To relax. To not take things so seriously.

Or was he just reminding her she would never be more than his assistant so she should just give up and realize nothing she did would ever matter to him. She could never do enough to win his attention or praise.

“Emily, it’s your life and you can’t live it twice. One day, you’ll understand, Emily take my hand.”

As he said this she realized she was tired of waiting. She wanted to understand now. Needed to know *now* why he treated her this way.

As the door opened further Darling sand, “Emily, you got so much in your life. Me? I got no-one’s advice. Don’t you know you got it easy?”

_No one? I’m right here._

If he just asked she would gladly help him. He never had to do things on his own, she would have happily shouldered the burden with him.

_Why can’t you see that? Why won’t you see that?_

“Did you really think you had me? Emily, that’s enough, do as you’re told. Acting like you’re eight years old. I give up. It’s not worth trying.”

The door stopped opening as Emily’s jaw flexed.

_Fine. If that is the way you feel, I’ll stop trying._

If she could stop herself from trying to prove herself to him maybe she’d be happier.

It was obvious he was blind to her talents. Obvious he didn’t trust her.

_I should stop wasting my time._

“Emily, one day I will end up dead. That’s the only thing I said that would ever get her smiling.”

Though she disliked him greatly in that moment, just the thought of not having him around anymore made her eyes sting. She did not want him gone. She only wanted him to realize he was not using her to her full potential. That he was wasting her talents.

Yes, one day, she’d like to replace him, but not because he’d died.

‘Emily, live your life in a balloon. Lock yourself up in your room so the world can never reach you.”

_Is that the problem?_

He noticed how detached she was from everyone. How closed off she was. But feelings had not been something she’d been taught to express. Her parents were the scientific types, methodical, medical. They hadn’t seen the benefit of showing ones feelings. Of expressing one’s self in ways other than words.

And even saying things like “I’m sad” could be “too emotional” for them.

“Emily, see the price I have to pay? I would give my life away if I knew that I could reach her. Emily, why’d you make this hard for me? It’s not the way it’s meant to be.”

Closing the door, she remained on the outside of the room as she heard the song finish its melody.

It was enough. She did not need to peer any further into Darling’s mind. She’d already seen enough.

Her throat stung as she headed down the hall, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as she went.

If Darling didn’t trust her because he found her too closed off then she’d try harder to connect. To be open. To express her emotions.

It was that coming Monday that Darling released the HRAs, a project she hadn’t even heard whispers about. A fact that further reinforced in her mind that she’d never been a part of his world.

A day after that the Hiss attacked. As she hid away in one of the safe rooms she thought back to that day with the song.

“One day I will end up dead…I would give my life away if I knew that I could reach you.”

_Did Darling know this would happen?_

Had he somehow seen the future?

Had he seen what was going to happen and how everything was going to fall apart?

Had he known he was going to die?

_Was he at peace with all of it because he knew I would be here to take things over?_

If that were the case she was not sure she was ready for that kind of responsibility. Did not think she had what it took to save the day?

Then she heard it, the sound of things changing further. Forever.

“Hello? Who’s out there? Are you with us? With the Bureau?”

And with her question came the reply, “I can’t tell you how happy I am to talk to someone sane.”

The voice belonged to the new director, one Jesse Faden.

She was nothing like the former director. Nothing like Darling. And perhaps that was a good thing.

As she did research into the Hiss, Emily started to feel that the only reason things had fallen apart was because Darling and Trench were not the type to share their inner thoughts and feelings.

_How could you think I was closed off when you hid so much, Darling?_

But Jesse had no problem opening up to Emily. She even eventually told her about the being that dwelt in her mind. And because Jesse was so open with her, Emily found herself being more open with her.

Whenever the new director came into the board room to check up on things she would greet her with an eager smile as she’d tell her, “Jesse, am I glad to see you.”

And unlike with Darling, she actually meant the words.

Even if Darling never realized she’d heard his message she would take his words to heart.

“Emily, you can’t even leave your life to chance.”

Darling had been right. But instead of leaving things up to chance she left her life up to Jesse.

“Please Emily, not even as a joke.”

___

**Bonus**

Darling heard a click behind him as he turned to look back at the door of his lab. A confused frown came to his lips as he did not see anyone there.

Probably for the best. He didn’t need anyone seeing him rocking out to a pop song.

It would be especially embarrassing if that person were Emily Pope.

What might she think if she heard him singing a song with her name in it?

Darling laughed to himself.

She wouldn’t have thought anything about it. Emily was too methodical, logic based to read into anything as silly as Darling singing along to a song.

To read into it meant she’d have to feel something about it, and Emily didn’t feel emotion.

No. That wasn’t fair to her.

She was not like Underhill.

She felt things. She just preferred to keep her thoughts to herself. Buried deep down inside where they were safe. Where they wouldn’t distract her from the work she had to do. And she would have a lot of work to do soon enough.

Even more than she’d had before. And it wouldn’t be just busy work. It would be life altering, world shattering work that—.

Darling’s attention wavered as a new song started to play.

“Oh, I love this one.”

As the opening music faded into the lyrics he started to sing along as he danced to the beat, “Ooh, ooh, nobody knew her name but she turned up just the same. There was a knock on the door. a thump on the floor and the party turned insane.”


End file.
